


The 8 Types Of Guys I've Dated

by SinisterMind



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: M/M, Oops, ashton and calum aren't mentioned t h a t much, michael wants a boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2015-12-26
Packaged: 2018-05-09 12:29:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5540009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SinisterMind/pseuds/SinisterMind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It took Michael 8 types of guys to find the one</p>
            </blockquote>





	The 8 Types Of Guys I've Dated

**Author's Note:**

> This is inspired by Buzzfeeds 'The 8 Types of Gay Guys You Date'

The first guy Michael dates is what he nicknamed as the ‘Scenester’. 

 

He remembers that they met at a gay club whilst the band was partying in LA and Michael had somehow convinced his band to go with him to this flamboyant club. 

Ashton and Calum seemed to be having fun but were clearly overwhelmed with how open everyone was. It was made up of majority of males and they even had a few strippers here and there. 

 

Michael loved it. 

 

He had drifted away from the rest of his band to have fun, get a drink and maybe get a cute guy’s number. He wandered over to the bar where a bored looking bartender was cleaning a glass. 

He was about to ask for a shot when a guy stood next to him and gave him a wink.

 

“Two shots please” the guy requested not breaking eye contact with Michael. Michael was intrigued in the boy in front of him. He had quiffed hair that reminded him of Luke’s in 2014 but it was platinum blonde. He wore a tight, white tank top with a plaid shirt with the sleeves cut off over it. Michael wondered if he was cold for a second but the thought was pushed away as it was quite stuffy in the club. 

When the bartender gave them their shots, both boys quickly downed them before turning to each other once again. 

 

“What’s your name?” Michael asked in what he hoped was a somewhat flirty voice. 

“Matty” the man replied “You’re Michael Clifford, yeah? From that band?”

“Yeah” Michael can feel his heart deflate a little at what Matty said. “That’s me”

“I must say” Matty started “You are way more attractive in the flesh and I thought you were hot just on a poster”

“Um thanks?” 

“Here’s my number, call me” Matty winked again before sauntering off into the crowd.

 

Michael looked at the number written on a napkin and bit his lip. The guy was cute but he was iffy about calling him after the introduction but honestly, what did he have to lose?  
A few days later Michael finds himself in a coffee shop on one of their days off with Matty seated in front of him. He’s wearing pretty much the exact same outfit as he was in the club but with different colours. 

They’ve been in this coffee shop for an hour now and Michael has quickly learnt that Matty is a party animal. He could tell by the slightly hooded eyes that he was definitely hungover and Michael didn’t really appreciate it. 

Matty had shown Michael a map of all of the best gay clubs and bars in LA that the two of them just HAD to check out sometime. Matty was the life of the party. Michael had been shown one too many pictures of him in clubs – gay and ‘regular’ – with hot boys draping over him and doing sexy poses with friends. He seemed fun and Michael was all about having fun but he could tell Matty was not for him. He was an introvert and Matty was without a doubt, an extrovert. 

 

“So” Matty licked his lips. “Where should we go next, boo?”

 

Boo? This is essentially their first date and he’s already starting with the stupid pet names? And boo of all names? It reminded him too much of Monsters Inc.   
The date – if you could even call it that – ended soon and Michael had no intentions of ever calling Matty again. He felt defeated but held his head high as he exited the coffee shop to walk back to the hotel where they were staying and to tell Luke about the date he just had. 

 

~

 

The second guy Michael dates is what he nicknamed the ‘Revolutionist’. 

 

They met at a small pride parade in a small town in England and he was the exact opposite of the last guy he dated. He was He was definitely not Michael’s type and everyone knew it. 

But the guy had no idea who he was so he was willing to give it a shot. 

The pride parade was fun and Michael even wore his rainbow shirt to the event. Luke, Calum and Ashton were with him to show support and stood to the side when Michael was approached by this guy, 

He looked very much like a hipster. With his cardigan and woollen scarf that draped not once, not twice but three times around his neck. He also had a slick moustache that Michael honestly hated the look of. 

But the guy was very nice, offered to take Michael out to dinner that night and treat him like a gentlemen and everyone knows Michael is a sucker for a gentlemen so he said yes and told him that he’d meet him outside the hotel they were staying at. 

 

Now Michael was a huge supporter in the queer community. He tweeted about trans lives and how asexuality is a valid sexuality and about bi visibility but this dude seemed to be criticising every single thing Michael said starting off with correcting him on the abbreviation for the sexualities/genders. 

 

“You gotta be careful generalising the lgbtqia community” he told Michael as he swung a leg over his other and stirred the sugar in his coffee actually it was probably tea.

 

Michael felt out of place with this guy. Here Michael was wearing an Iron Maiden shirt and skinny jeans with a rip in the knee and old converse and this guy was wearing the same scarf as the other day and two cardigans and he had a hat like the one Ashton wore when they were in Chicago. The guy that Michael doesn’t even remember the name of was actually quizzing Michael on all the sexualities and genders as if to see if he was even valid to be in the queer community. 

Which is fucking stupid because a) they met at a pride parade b) Michael had worn his rainbow shirt to the pride parade c) he agreed to the date with a man and d) he was on the date with a man now. 

They had passed a basketball court whilst walking to the café and a group of male teenagers were playing a game. 

 

“Internalised homophobia” the guy told Michael and shook his head as they continued walking. 

“Heteronormative bullshit” he told Michael once they were seated in the café as a woman exited the bathroom. 

“Of course I have lesbian friends” he told Michael during their conversation. Michael didn’t even ask if he had lesbian friends and he also didn’t care that he had lesbian friends. Michael had lesbian friends too, he dated a lesbian unknowingly one time when he was 16 before he realised he was gay as fuck. He also had bisexual friends, he had a fucking bisexual band mate for crying out loud.

 

“Oh babe” he cooed. Again with the pet names at an early stage! “Look” 

Michael followed his gaze to where it landed on another gay couple but one of the men were holding a baby. It was really cute and Michael hopes in the future he and his future boyfriend will adopt a baby together so they can be a family. 

The date ended quickly which was basically Michael checking his phone and pretending he had a text from someone in the band that he was going to be late for an interview so he quickly threw some money on the table and left with a quick goodbye. 

 

“How’d the date go?” Ashton asked when he barged into the hotel room they were hanging out in. 

 

“I mean he was nice, I guess” Michael shrugged “Definitely not for me though. He kept quizzing me to see if I like passed the queer test or something”

 

~

 

The third guy Michael dated was what he named the ‘Sophisticate’

 

He was actually one of the interviewers that had recently interviewed and he seemed really nice and funny during the interview so Michael was hoping it would be the same on their date. 

 

Nope. 

 

For starters, they went to a café because that’s really where Michael likes to go to on first dates so they can get to know each other, and his date wore a suit. A full suit topped off with a tie. 

There was also a baby at the next table being fed by a woman and his date – Chris – had looked over and rolled his eyes. 

 

“That is the worst dressed baby I have ever seen” he told Michael in a snooty voice that made Michael want to reach over and slap him with his tie. 

 

They didn’t spend too long in the café as Chris insisted that they walk around the expensive streets of LA. Again, Michael felt out of place with his torn band shirt and skinny jeans. 

Chris lead him into stores Michael had no idea how to pronounce but knew they would be extremely expensive. I mean $300 for a scarf. 

Yes, Chris just purchased a $300 scarf because the sales person mentioned that Harrison Ford has a similar one. Chris had turned to him with a wide mouthed expression which could only be shown as the :o emoticon. It was amusing but Michael was the guy to wear the same shirt for a few days and the same pants for at least a week and a half before putting them in the wash. He wasn’t as bad as Ashton when it came to doing laundry as Ashton admitted on radio he hasn’t done washing in a month. 

In another store that didn’t even sell clothes, it looked like antiques or something, a sales lady bought over something and told Chris “Snoop Dogg has one of these” and of course he bought it. Michael didn’t even want to know what or how much it was. 

He went mad in another shop, Chris that is. He bought two shirts and some other things. The cost was $2015.39 so Michael hoped he bought more than two shirts for that alarming price. 

 

Chris and Michael made eye contact before Chris gave him a look and whipped out a credit card. 

 

“It’s okay” he said in a conceded voice “I got it”

 

Michael was still in awe over how much this guy spent at just a couple of stores so when he lay down on a bed that wasn’t his and Calum had kicked at him to get off, he actually complied and did what Calum asked. 

 

“The date go okay?” Calum asked

 

“If Gwyneth Paltrow had a penis that would be the guy I just went on a date with” Michael replied

 

~

 

The fourth guy Michael dated was what he nicknamed the ‘Man-child’

 

Calum was the one who set the two up after Michael denied going out to party one night but Calum went and ended up getting a guy’s number for him. Best friend goals or what?  
The way Calum described him was that he funny and laidback and Michael was intrigued by the guy and they ended up texting and making plans to meet at a park the following day. Michael didn’t know what to expect on this blind date but he certainly wasn’t expecting a guy to tap him on the shoulder wearing a red tracksuit with a storm trooper shirt on.

 

At least they had something in common.

 

The thing they had in common both being gay nerds. 

 

Michael actually went on several dates with this guy because they had a lot of stuff in common but after a few dates Michael knew he had to end whatever the hell they had going on. 

For starters, he was on a dodgeball team. Which was kinda cool but he talked about it a lot and Michael wasn’t that interested but did perk up when he mentioned that their uniform was a Spiderman singlet. 

Another thing was video games. Michael LOVES video games, it is his favourite past time but all Dave could mention was the fact that he beat this level before Michael did and how it only took him 3 minutes to complete a mission and that he had already finished the new Fallout game and Michael couldn’t even get a sentence in. 

The deal breaker was Dave’s obsession with pop culture. When he turned up for their third date, he was wearing a Finn the Human costume complete with hat and sword. Now, Michael was all for cosplaying and had been dying to cosplay as an anime character at a convention for ages now but wearing an Adventure Time character on a date was a little weird. 

Life was one big inside joke to Dave as he used references from pop culture wherever he went. Which Michael did as well but only around people he knew would get the reference and laugh along with him. 

 

“He wore a Finn the Human costume” Michael deadpanned looking at his three band mates “And made Star Wars references to the waiter who had no idea what the hell he was talking about”

 

“I thought you were into that sort of stuff” Ashton stifled a laugh and tried to cover it up with a cough. 

 

“No” Michael whined “It’s like dating myself”

 

~

 

The fifth guy Michael dated he nicknamed the ‘Romantic’

 

He was the definition of the word ‘pining’.

 

Two dates and he was already telling Michael every single detail of this Disney themed wedding he dreamed of all whilst sighing wistfully. 

Michael was all for Disney and weddings but he did not want a Disney themed wedding especially to guy he’d been on two dates with. 

He wistfully sighed at anything and everything. 

On the walk to their date he had awed at a puppy, an elderly couple holding hands, their shadows, a cute looking house, children playing at the park, another dog and when Michael finally let Daniel hold his hand, he sighed at that too. 

He was so nice though and Michael felt so bad when he said they shouldn’t see each other again. He was almost worried that Daniel would start crying and how he thought Michael would be his prince charming and he wouldn’t have a happily ever after. 

Daniel only let a couple of tears fall and smiled when Michael said that he would find his prince Charming soon and have a happily ever after with him. 

Michael walked to the hotel, stopping to take a few pictures of fans and mentioned that he’d gone on another date. He didn’t tweet much about his dates just little hints here and there without giving too much away. He was entitled to a private life. 

 

~

 

The sixth guy Michael dated he nicknamed the ‘Competitor’.

 

Three dates and he was already holding Michael’s hand across the coffee table and saying “he knows what I like” when the waiter asks if they were ready to order. Michael didn’t know what he likes. 

Michael didn’t know much about Troy, just that he was in college, was their frat leader and was apparently the beer pong champion. And he was very big on snuggling.   
Troy was the first boy Michael had brought back to his hotel room and it wasn’t by choice. Troy wanted to meet his band mates and make sure that he had no competition.   
Calum, Ashton and Luke were wary of Troy and the way he had his arm around Michael’s waist protectively as if they were going to make a move on him. 

 

Ashton suggested that they play a board game their security guard had given them in case they got bored. Things were going great until Calum was winning and Troy was obviously getting peeved that he was losing. 

It was tough dating a guy who was so competitive and always had to be on top and stay on top. 

Troy ended up swearing like a sailor and flipping the board game off the table so all the little pieces went flying everywhere. 

Michael ended it and Troy agreed as he felt that Michael was weighing him down.

 

“Glad you got rid of this one” Ashton had told him “He seemed like a douche”

 

~

 

The seventh guy Michael dated he nicknamed the ‘Alternative’.

 

Honestly the guy reminded him too much of Ashton personality and interest wise so maybe that’s why he ended things quite quickly. 

Their first date (and only) date started with Michael waiting outside a coffee shop only for his date – Samuel – to be late. 

When he arrived he announced that he had been at a Swedish art exhibition downtown. 

Michael was all for weird, he liked weird, he was weird but Samuel was into some weird shit that even Michael found too weird for his liking but was sure that Ashton would love to join in on. 

 

His friends were all cooler than Michael. He got to hear about a lot of them and they’re underground carpark hangouts where they drank vintage beers and wines whilst wearing onesies and beanies and carrying keyboards and oversized stuffed toys.

All his parties were also underground. Michael was shown many, many photos and candids of his most recent party that looked completely and utterly boring. 

And his job was….interesting. If you count photographing erotic pornography as a job. Michael was also able to see some of his work pictures. One involving a man wearing what looked like a Viking helmet with booty shorts and chains around his thighs and hand cuffs on his wrists whilst the other male was wearing a large Yoshi head and what looked like cut off Mario overalls and also having handcuffs on his wrists. 

 

“This needed more penis action” Samuel had explained after Michael had seen enough of that photo. 

 

“Right” Michael nodded “Life needs more penises”

 

Michael went back to the hotel and lay on Luke’s bed. 

“The guy did photography of erotic pornography with Mario characters and Vikings and bondage” Michael whined “Why do I always attract the weird or annoyingly competitive guys”

“Don’t forget the overly romantic one” Luke added as he looked at his best friend. “You’ll find the one, one day”

“I doubt that” Michael scoffed

“He could be closer than you think”

 

~

 

The eighth guy Michael dated he nicknamed the ‘One’.

 

Michael was happy. He was so happy. He knew this guy was the one and he had been so blind to see that he was right in front of him this whole time. 

 

Luke was Michael’s everything.

 

He made Michael laugh, cry, smile, and orgasm, everything you need in a man. 

 

“Hey” a voice knocked him out of his thoughts. “What are you thinking about?”

 

Michael looked up and he couldn’t help the blush flood his cheeks when he got caught staring at the love of his life. It was weird saying this but Michael could tell they were going to be together for the rest of their lives. 

Luke was so strong, he had admitted to liking Michael for over two years now and had pushed aside his crush to help Michael finding a date and listening to Michael drone on and on about his failed dates. 

Michael loved Luke. 

They’d been together for over a year now and it had been the most amazing year of his life. He’d turned 20 and when the knife touched the bottom of the cake and he had to kiss the nearest guy, Luke was right beside him already ready for the kiss. 

They kissed and they kissed again and again and again until everyone watching told to ‘stop fucking making out in front of people’. 

Luke was the guy that Michael had dreamed of dating. They had so much in common but not so much that it felt like he was dating himself. Luke was romantic but not in the annoying way and he didn’t plan out every single detail for their wedding even though they have spoken about it. 

He didn’t ditch Michael in clubs or be so alternative that it felt like he was dating Ashton nor did he judge Michael’s knowledge on the queer community. 

 

He’s the end of this list but he’s something special.


End file.
